“Mr.M” is what your students used to call you in the classroom and when they saw you outside the classroom. To them, you were “Mr.M”, to me, you were my father. It is June 19th, Father’s Day, which this year happens to fall upon the Lord’s Day. It is a day of worship and rest, but it will also be a day of memory and some tears as you are not here. I will not have the luxury of speaking with you over Skype as we always did. Instead, there will be an awkward silence. I must confess the last year and 5 months have been just that, an awkward and surreal silence. It is quiet not having you and my dear brother, William not here anymore. Still adjusting. Still weeping from time to time. I suppose the weeping will continue throughout the course of my life here as I navigate upon this mortal coil. You are greatly missed by myself and by your wife. Not only us, but by your colleagues and young students that you impacted.
A Letter to You this father’s day
As far as I can remember, you were hardworking in every way. You always made sure that our family had food on the table, clothes on our backs, and never turned your back on us. You worked late nights and came home only to have for dinner a cup of Raman noodles. You worked hard to acquire your Masters Degree in Mathematics. You loved Geology and Physics. Whereas I was the grammar kid. You always teased me with math and knew that I hated when the Greeks decided to place the alphabet with numbers. Whenever you came to visit me and Leigh, you always made sure to help us in tight times. You and Leigh would sit there for hours and watch the Lord of the Rings. Oh, how you loved Tolkien and the world he created. I had always wished and prayed that I could take the bitterness and anger away from you that haunted you from your childhood upbringing and from the woke NY Public System. I was proud of you though. You never backed down to the NY School System. Mathematics was and is logical and clear and you made that known to all. You stood your ground much like that of Luther I sometimes think. You were truly the Bull in the China shop.
I wish that I could have been a better son to you and showed you more love. I wish we had more conversations; deeper ones but you held secrets in just like my little brother. Yet, no matter where we stood, you loved me and always were there for me and my wife when we fell on hard times. I miss our jokes and times on Skype. They will always will be missed. You will be missed, always. There now exists a void. There are two holes in my heart. One for you and one for William.
I know that you would not want me to grieve alone. Your daughter In-Law took care of me through the darkest of nights the days and weeks after you and William passed on. As I lost a father, I gained a spiritual father, MIke Abendroth. You would have liked him. He brought me in and helped me when I was in the darkness of spiritual attacks and burdens of doubt.
I will grieve your loss and William’s. Not a day goes by where I do not. I have memories daily of you both or I lay in the darkness of the bedroom and cry like a child. Yet, I have been taken of by my Heavenly Father above through the darkest storms of the past year and even to this day. I am thankful that He surrounded me with good men and a strong wife.
So, as this Father’s Day comes to pass, I will have good memories and passing sorrows. I am sure they will come like sea billows, but I will be okay. I miss and love you and William. I always will.
Your Loving Son,
Stephen the Third.
To you the reader
I know that as some of you read this entry that some of you have lost your mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters over the last two years. The grief and billows of sorrows will always be there like a scar but God bends down and mends these wounds that cut deep into the recess of our hearts. You are not alone in your loss. You are never alone in your loss. There, the Great High Priest, the Lord Jesus Christ knows all about sorrow, grief, loss, and death (Heb. 4:14-16).
Take your grief, your sorrow, and pain to Him.
May the Lord bless you and keep you and thank you for taking the time to read my entry for the day.
Soli Deo Gloria!
Stephen the Third